So the due date is about four months away, give or take a few days. Your mom is scared and I am too. I don't know how to be a dad, I have never been one before. I have babysat for your aunt and uncle and I work with kids all day. But I'm not their daddy. I'm your daddy. And that is really scary. Now, I don't want it to seem like I am upset about the whole thing because I am not. I could not be more excited. But, I have to come to grips with the fact that I am going to screw up. Probably more than once. And your mom is going to screw up, probably more than once. But I want you to know right now that no matter what, we are going to do everything we can to be the best we can. Your mom said she found it weird that nobody said to us, "OK, have some kids. You are ready." And she is right. You have to get a license for everything else in this country. Hell, you have to be eighteen to buy eggs on fucking Halloween. But there is no class, no test, that says you can have a kid. You simply do the deed and have a bundle of joy nine months later. And I wonder, is that really the way it should be? Would we not be better off if people had to demonstrate at least a reasonable level of competence before they bring a child into this world? See, one thing about your parents, we are opinionated. About shit we haven't even done yet. And we believe ourselves to be right. We have conviction. And I know we are going to raise smart kids who will question things and think big thoughts. You girls will at least be able to discuss all manner of subjects intelligently. But I fear not really my own parenting skills but the skills of those around you. I will never be a millionaire. I teach. It's noble which is another way of saying I do a good thing and get shit money for it. But that's ok, I love it. That being said, we will probably not live in the uppity section of town. We certainly won't be ghetto, no chance of that. But, upper crust is probably not an option. And that is OK. We don't need to live in the highest rated city around or in the biggest house. In fact, I want you to live where there is some culture. I want you to be exposed to the things I was not as a child. I lived in a relatively small town growing up. I have fond memories of it and the town was full of good people. But it wasn't exactly cool. It didn't have a lot of variety. And I want you to have that. But, it has to be carefully selected variety. That may sound strange but, I do not want you to be like the majority of the people where we are now. And that is what scares me. I worry that I won't make enough money to get you girls someplace I believe to be good enough for you. I actually do not know if that place exists. I know I haven't found it yet. And I know that it is other people that worry me more than any blunders your mom or I may make. See, most people are inherently good. I believe that to be true. But, as the old saying goes, a few bad apples ruin the whole bunch. I see people raising children to be leeches on society. To expect everything to be handed to them without any work attached. And these are the people that are going to play an important part in shaping the people you grow up to be. I make no mistake that while your mom and I have a very large role in your development, your peers will make a bigger impact on you. And that scares the bejesus out of me. Especially considering the rare breed of human I currently meet so often, the white hunter who thinks he is in a rap group/gang. This shit baffles me. To the point where my brain just shuts down for awhile. It is truly unbefuckinleavable to see a pick -up truck, driven by a white guy with awful hair and even worse teeth, blaring the latest overmarketed rap. Ah, the wonders of the south.
But, brass tacks, I am scared and excited. I know I will be good. I know your mom will be better. The rest of the world, well, we'll see won't we?
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