1st Day of School

Going back to work today reminded me that I probably, as long as I am in public school systems, will not get to see my girls go to school on any of their first days. And that sucks a lot. It makes me sad. I guess I will have to ramp up the efforts of being a college professor by the time my girls are ready for kindergarten.

SO anyway

Having two babies at home is a lot of work. Not bad work mind you, just a lot. This is the first summer of my working life that I have not had a paid job during the summer. But, it isn't like I sat around all summer (only part of it, Yankees games and all). This two month period has been unreal. Unreal in it's speed, really it's August already, shit, and it's challenges. 3 hours of sleep, bring it the fuck on, crying babies for no apparent reason, old hat son. But also unreal because I have my babies at home. People say the grow up so fast and they really do. It's crazy. Penny and Katie are three months old already. They have doubled in weight and size. They smile at me. They get happy when I sing to them, thanks Ben Harper. They calm down when I pick them up or talk to them. Now all of these things are cliched, I know that. I read about them in the few chapters of the baby books I flipped through. But goddamn. It's honest. It's truly honest work like no other. I love it. Even when I curse as I get out of bed. Even when I am interupted during whatever. I love it. I love them. I see these people on TLC and similar networks saying that they never knew what real love was like until they looked into the eyes of their child. Well, I call bullshit. If you have to convince yourself that you love your kids then you probably did something wrong. I didn't feel any life altering change when I saw my girls. I simply felt right. No flowery speeches or phony tears, just a feeling of right. That may sound pretentious and I don't intend it to be so. If you read this and you said that shit, good for you. Different strokes.
All that being said, I intend to update more frequently. Now that work is starting and I can get on a somewhat regular schedule I can try.

Helloooooooooooooooooo Babies!

My girls are home. Finally you are both here. After a birthday, May 21st, and an extended stay in the NICU, typical for twins, you are both home and safe. And holy shit are you two cute as could be. Now I can resume the blog on a regular note. I am a happy daddy!

Godmother!

Now let me preface this by saying that while I have been to church and do have faith, I do not really agree with the concept of organized religion. I think it is a wonderful idea that has had a bunch of greedy, self serving individuals ruin it for the world at large. And that it a shame, truly.
That aside, you now have a Godmother. And it is Aunt Paulyn. She is awesome. There was never any doubt as to who would be the godmother. Your mom and I believe that the title is honorary, given to someone who is special to the mother and father. And Aunt Paulyn is special to the both of us. I have known her my whole life, your mom has known her a few years. But she knew, right away, that Aunt Paulyn would be the choice. She said so after she first met her. Aunt Paulyn made that strong of an impression. Not only is she an extremely kind and caring woman, she is very funny and very genuine. And she is a Yankees fan, never hurts. Her genuine nature is what is most fantastic. She is so full of life and just general goodness. She has this aura that makes you want to talk and laugh with her and that is pretty special.
Perhaps the most important part of her being godmother is that it means something to her. To her, it is a special thing that we have decided to ask her to be a part of. She is now officially part of your lives. We made a damn fine choice.
You know when we asked her she said she wanted to call Dave, her husband who had just passed away. ( A man by the way who was every bit the amazing, genuine person Aunt Paulyn is). She said that if she told him that we had asked her he would have simply replied, "Yup." We couldn't agree more.

S&T - Where the Wild Things Are

For the very first show and tell I had to make it Where the Wild Things Are. And not because this is my all time favorite book (it's not), but because the book is really quite good and the movie looks amazing.


I cannot help but get a smile on my face when I see that. It looks so perfect. Like it captures the feel of the book exactly. The track that plays in the trailer is by Arcade Fire and while I am not a huge fan of theirs, it fits this rather well. I am taken aback by how great the monsters look. AND James Gandolfini is doing one of the voices. He is a very good actor who gets relegated to "bad guy" roles because he looks like a badass. Make no mistake, this movie will be fantastic. But, we will only see it after we read the book. Thems the rules.

Show and Tell

This will be the section of my blog where I jot down the things that I want to share with both of you. This will basically serve two functions. It will give me a bit of practice writing a regular blog and it will serve as a running record of me. And by regular blog I meant that while we all like to operate under the guise of being a unique snowflake, we are all the same. Deep down, we all belong to one group or another. Most of us, if we are honest with ourselves, not only belong to one group, we belong to several and wish we could belong to more.
ANYWAY, I plan on updating this a lot. The posts will be shorter than my usual rants but they will have pics and videos. Should be cool. Starting later today.

Peek A Boo

I see you. Or rather, I did. We went for another 4D ultrasound and the pics came out so much better. You were there. You had real faces. That seems like a weird thing to type and it is. But, it's true. I could see what each of you will look like. And you are pretty damn cute if you ask me! You ladies have chubby cheeks... sort of. But they are there. I can see them. It's awesome. I know all babies are cute. They are made this way so that the rest of the world will continue to reproduce even after they have had a hellish experience at a restaurant or on an airplane with a screeching child. And I do mean screeching. It never seems to be regular old crying. ANYWAY, I know babies are cute but the two of you are really cute (well cute if we were British). I'm talking ads for products cute. And that raises the question of whether or not I would even consider letting you be in adverts. I'm not sure if I would or not. We will have to see.
I started a flickr page for you. www.flickr.com/photos/tdtwins.
This way the rest of the family can see photos of you and of mommy and her growing belly. While I'm at it, I might as well start a twitter account, a youtube account, a facebook account, and whatever else gets popular. I'll link it all together and have one big footprint for my girls. I actually really like that idea and I will look into it. For now, the flickr is up and will be updated as soon as we get photos to put there.
I really love the fact that your family, spread out as they are, will be able to see you. That is just awesome. It was not like that when I was a kid. So much of my childhood and the childhood's of my generation were spent with only certain members of the family. Now, your family in Florida, New Jersey, Texas, Colorado, Utah, and if I ever get back in touch with them, you family in Cuba and Holland can be a part of your lives and watch you grow. And I am excited to watch what happens next.

FMK - Double A

Double A is your Aunt April. It is also the nickname of Arn Anderson, a retired pro wrestler and former member of the four horsemen. Not that that means much to you but, daddy likes wrestling and really liked the four horsemen. But I digress...
Aunt April is truly my little sister. She is like me in so many ways. I find it very strange the AA turned out so much like me and Tommy did not. I did not spend more time with AA or love either any more or less. She really is like a little me though. And that makes me happy because I am good.
The really important thing to know about AA is that she is probably the best of us. I say that without any second thoughts. She is better than anyone gives her credit for. And by better I mean that she is always underestimated. I believe that when all is said and done, AA will have taken the best from her family and turned it into something truly special. That is not to say that I or Tommy or anyone else is no good because that would simply be untrue. I really think that you girls have lucked out with the family you are going to have. I see it everyday, families that don't give a shit about each other. Families that are surprised to learn that they are people. And that is something you will never have to worry about. Your family will make sure that you know you are loved and appreciated. We will also make sure you now that you are not perfect. And AA will have a huge role in that. Merely by her age and proximity, she gets to be the cool aunt. The one who lets you drive early and drink wine coolers. And that is awesome.
AA is a very sweet girl. She is one of the nicest people I know. She always has been. Ever since she was little she always brought a smile to everyone's face. Big Buzz calls her his "chick". You have to understand what a huge thing that is for Buzz to voice out loud. You will see photos eventually and understand what I mean about her. There was no cuter kid as far as I am concerned. (at least other than both of you). And there was no sweeter little girl in the world than her. Everyone will tell you that.
AA is also extremely cool. She has her finger on the pulse as the saying goes. She likes good media. She knows about movies and music and books. She is culturally savvy. And she will impart this to you. She is just 18 and will be cool for a long time.
I could continue and perhaps I will. There will surely be things about the people who are going to love you that I want to get down. But for now I will end with this. I hope each of you grows up like AA. If your mom and I can do as good a job with the two of you as my parents did with her, we will be very lucky.

FMK - Uncle Tommy

Just typing the title makes me pause. See, I always considered what type of grandparents my mom and Buzz would be. Every kid does I think. But to have my brother be an official uncle is sort of weird. Your Uncle Tommy is a strange kid. And he is still a kid at only 21 years old. However, I think he will do a good job of it.
Tommy is first and foremost a very caring kid. Sometimes it is hard to see. He is arrogant and braggadocios and has a hard time getting out of his own way. But underneath all that is a very sweet kid. He wants to please. He wants to make others happy. And he does a good job most of the time. Sometimes, he tries too hard. And that is really only because he is young. There is a saying that someone is young for their age and as of right now, Tommy is a young 21. But he is a good kid and will figure it out eventually.
Tommy is a kid who is interested in following the latest trend. This is an area at which neither I, nor your mother, excel. For this reason, Tommy will be able to influence you. He has already talked about how excited he is to buy cool things for you. And I am excited that he wants to be involved.
Tommy is also a Mac guy. If there is still Mac and PC debates when you read this, I will explain. Needless to say, most Mac people are asshats. Seriously.
Tommy is also a kid who is searching for himself. I don't know if he will ever find the him he is looking for. That sounds cryptic but it is very true. He is the type of kid who needs validation from others. Not that that is a bad thing. People in this world are very different and my brother and I could not be further apart. However, he is a lot of fun. He is a goofy kid. He has a habit of beating jokes to death but eventually cracking one in half. He does this on occasion. He will absolutely say the funniest thing of the night. It is awesome when he gets the timing and blows a joke up. He then beats that to death but it remains funny.
Really what you need to know about Uncle Tommy is that he is a good person. He will be there when you need him. For as self-absorbed as he can be, he can also be generous when needed. He really is a great person. I love being around him because he gets it. It is hard to define. If I could I would be a rich man. But Tommy does. His relationship with me is very typical of brothers. I am far too hard on him and don't tell him nice things enough. He in return is hard on me right back. But in the end I love the kid. I wish he were around to be more involved in your life. It kills me that I don't get to see my brother very often. I miss him a lot. I think he would enjoy being around his nieces. I know he would have a positive impact on both of you. I hope that eventually we are close again and you can find out first hand how great he really is.
PS - He also really likes French things. That is a strike against him.

FMK - Big Buzz!

Sorry about the lack of updates but life continues to happen and I don't want to write if it is not going to be coherent. Not that I always make sense but...
Anyway, as promised, the introductions continue.
Buzz, we haven't gotten a name for him yet, is a wonderful man. He has been my father for most of my life. However, he never assumed that he would replace my biological father. My mom married Buzz when I was five. At that point I had barely any knowledge of who my "real" dad was. All I knew was that this new guy was really nice and cared about my mom. That was good enough for me.
Buzz has, since day one, taken care of me and my mom. There is no question that he is a caring man. He is quiet in his affection for people and things but it is there nonetheless. Buzz is the type of man you can count on. In fact, everyone does. He seems to be able to do everything. There has never been a time in my life where he has not been able to produce when asked. One summer we built a deck together because we could. We put up sheds, finished basements, remodeled closets into bathrooms, and planted vegetable gardens. He is a jack of all trades.
One of my fondest memories of Buzz is one he probably doesn't remember. It was at my fifth birthday party at a McDonalds. The best gift I got came from him. He gave me a Transformer, Grimlock. Since that day, Grimlock has been my favorite. Always will be. All because of Buzz.
Buzz is the type of man who is always watching. He never says much but never misses a thing. He's got everyone else fooled into thinking things get past him. But, they do not.
He is the type of man that I am happy will be in your life. He will love you to a level he won't talk about often. But I know that he is excited. And that makes me happy. If I can give him grand-daughters that will dote on him like he deserves, then I have done my job.

FMK - Making A Plan

So it has been two days without a post. Part of the reason is because of Street Fighter 4 and MLB 09. The other part is that I have been debating how to continue. So, I think the best thing would be to formulate a plan. Let that be a lesson from dad; when stuck on how to proceed, make a plan. So therefore, starting tomorrow, the list of family introductions will be as follows:
Buzz
Tommy
April
Rick
Connie/Ronnie
Lisa/Vinny/Tori.
I know that seems like cheating on a couple of them. And maybe I will be able to enlist your mom for help on her family members. I do not know them as well as I would like. Perhaps she can help me there. She is home now. Off from work until after you are born. She needed it and so did you. I am a jealous man.

FMK - 1st

Today was your first official Yankees game. And apparently, you loved every minute of it. Mommy said that you two were moving and grooving throughout the whole thing. I can think of nothing more awesome than the fact that you were excited by baseball. That makes for a happy daddy.
And I suppose it was only proper that your first game was against the Twins.

FMK - Mema pt. 2

So here is the rest of the info you need to know about Mema.
Mema is naturally funny. She is very quick and has a fantastic laugh. It goes ha ha ha then snort. Always three ha's then a snort. It is one of my favorite things about her.
Mema is the most obstinate woman I have ever met. And it's not a bad thing. The funny thing is that she will say over and over again that her mom, Mimi, was the most stubborn woman ever. And that may have been true. But, Mema is much more like her mother than she will admit. She is stubborn. And she is right, most of the time. Everyone makes mistakes but Mema sticks to her guns. I know that this sounds like a negative but it really is not. It is one of her endearing qualities. It makes her who she is. Once her mind is made up it is not going to change. More people should stick to their guns and go with their decisions. She is not wishy-washy in the slightest. If you need evidence, she has had the same hairstyle, with varying heights, since before I was born.
Mema is a strong lady emotionally. She has become the rock of the family, though your mom says I fill that role as well. But, there is no question that Mema is in charge. Whenever there is a family decision to be made, she makes it. Everyone defers to her on these matters. She takes next to no joy in physical remembrances. Sure, she has knick-knacks from family members who have died, but I believe she has a much stronger emotional memory. She is not one to hold on to old shit. She can handle the planning and execution of emotional matters. It is something I hope I inherited from her.
Mema is a lady who likes her potato pancakes.
Mema is a lady with conservative, traditional values. She believes that there is a right way to do things in life, an order. She is not a woman who accepts radical change well. She needs to plan for the change and have a hand in its course. Her system of values give her a foundation to build from. While most of us, myself included, have a shifting set of what we believe to be right and wrong, Mema knows what is right and wrong. And has for some time. I think that knowing what you believe in and think is right is something we should all strive to emulate.
I could continue about her favorite books and movies and music but I prefer you to experience that with her. The most important thing to know about Mema is that she is already crazy about both of you. And she will do everything for you. She will be whatever you need her to be, for the rest of her life. She is nothing if not devoted to her family. She will love you stronger than should be possible because that is who she is. She is a woman who holds on to what she cares about. She is a woman who loves unconditionally.
I can think of no better way to sum up your Mema and how lucky you truly are than this: Everyone of my friends, and even some family members, have wished that my mom was their mom. I know this because they have all said so. Every single one.

FMK - Mema pt.1

I know that I am a little bit biased but, I think you girls are quite lucky to have the family you do. Your mom is awesome and I have already expounded upon the multitude of reasons for the greatness of your great grandpa. Tonight will be about my mom, your Mema.
First off, her name. Mema has taken her name because she said that grandmas are old people and she is not an old person. Her mother, my grandmother, was called Mimi, or The Meem. She was an amazing lady and I am truly heartbroken at the fact the you will never meet her. Mimi was a matriarch in every sense of the word, and probably a few other senses as well, and your Mema seems poised to take over that role. She has chosen her name organically. It is not manufactured but rather a tribute to a woman like no other. It is totally fitting and very awesome that you get a Meem of your own.
Mema is the woman who raised me. As I have mentioned before, my dad died when I was 13. He was not in the picture much before that. It was always just me and my mom. We have had a very special bond for as long as I can remember. She raised me right, I think, and will do a good job helping with you two. She is radically traditional in her views. She is caring and sweet. She wants to make everyone feel safe and secure. She is the type of lady who over-extends herself because she doesn't know any other way to be. She is very special to me and will be to you as well.
Mema is the type of lady you want on your side. Whether she agrees with you or not, she is there fore you. We have not always seen eye to eye and probably will continue to have more disagreements for the rest of our days. But, when someone "attacks" someone she loves, she becomes scarier than any nightmare you can imagine. She is like a little pitbull. It is hysterical and terrifying all at once. I have only seen this side of her a few times. It takes a lot for her to get visibly angry. But when she does it is like the erupting of a volcano.
Just as an aside I think now is a good time to mention that she also had a fake ID.
ANYWAY, Mema is the type of lady who will spoil you uncontrollably. I know this. I remember many times as a little kid coming home from school to find a toy or video game on the kitchen table. And every time I found something there it was special. Not because she rewarded me for grades or behavior or anything. But because she wanted to show that she was thinking about me. Sometimes there would be a note on the table and honestly, it was just as good as the video game. I felt so bad for my friends who didn't have a mom like mine. I was incredibly lucky to have her. And you are too. Plus, she is already planning her first trip to Disney with you so be prepared to be sick of that place.
To be continued.

FMK - A little delay

I know I said that Mema would be the next post. And she will be. She will be the next post, about your family. However, I cannot sit idly by and not mention my absolute disgust at little kid beauty pageants.
First, the world is an evil, judgmental place for young ladies. With as much women's lib as there is in this country, the lines are still quite clearly drawn. If you are thin and pretty you are good. If you are anything else you are bad. And I gotta tell you, the world simply is not that black and white. Pretty and thin are both subjective. I am not thin compared to Brad Pitt but I am thin compared to the myriad of men jazzy scootering their way around the globe. Subjective topics cannot be used as absolute judgment. But so often the thin girl is the one who gets whatever it is that is to be got. So often it is the pretty girl who succeeds. Now, I am not saying that I believe that I will have unattractive children. I will do my best to keep both of you healthy and confident. Because it is confidence that is the key. Pretty girls are no better than anyone else. They are simply more confident than girls who have not been told that they are pretty their entire lives. The world lavishes attention at the women who everyone else says is pretty. We judge people based on how they look. That is true of everyone and everyone is guilty of not talking to someone because of their looks. But, looks are not the end all be all. My girls will be beautiful because they will be themselves. And they will be comfortable in their own skin.
Second, there is no reason a child should be entered into a beauty pageant. There is no reason a parent should feel justified in allowing their child to be viewed as a piece of meat and told they are not good enough. That the girl standing next to them is better because she takes a better photo. We need to remember that these are children we are talking about. Little kids who are going to feel bad about themselves because mommy and daddy are upset that they didn't win. What kind of message does that send to little girls? Mommy is crying because that person said someone was prettier than me. Who needs the opinions of complete strangers to validate the worth of their own children? It is sick. It is evil. It is leading to the creation of ego-maniacs and cutters. I cannot imagine many girls who take the "who gives a" attitude. These parents are telling their children that the only worth they have is in how they wear a swimsuit. And there are pageants for children starting at birth. AT BIRTH! No fucking baby anywhere is pretty. Nowhere! EVER! Babies are cute. How can we realistically judge the beauty potential of a kid who cannot even crawl? It makes my stomach turn. It makes me sad that there are people so shallow and insecure that they would subject their little girl to that. Because it won't stop at one. It never does. It is a pattern of sickness. The people who run these pageants should be psycho-analyzed to see if they "like" kids. I'm serious. It needs to stop.
Third, While the ratio of predators to incidents is low, seriously there is little chance that your kid or anyone you know who has a kid will encounter this, this is not a proper social attitude. We are saying, telling the world, that it is OK to look at kids as sex objects. There is no reason that a two year old girl should be on a stage, in a swimsuit, shaking her ass! Like a goddamn stripper. Just typing that sentence makes me want to lie down and close my eyes for awhile. I really think we should evaluate when we want to view others as objects to be attracted to. I know that two is too young.
Lastly, I have seen an episode and a half of Toddlers and Tiaras. I am not sure why TLC, a channel I respect to a certain degree, contributes this mess to society. Bridezillas and shows about grownups acting like idiots is fine. I am not one to say that a channel should censor its programming or bow to pressure from the outside. But you seriously have to consider just who is in charge of new shows. Who said, "Little girl beauty pageants, this is the show we need. This will get the ratings up." How about a show about the damage societal pressure put on everyone, male and female. And not just the fat guy getting married. Real shows about real dangers. We live in a world full of vapid, senseless people. People who imitate what they see on TV. And not just little boys who wrestle each other after watching WWE. Men and women, myself included, who ape the style or attitude or whatever from TV. Some of us are smart and know where the line is. Some of them, simply do not.
In closing, if you are on of the people who put your child in this demeaning mockery of what beauty is, stop it. For the love of Pete just quit it. Right now!
PS: If my girls want to do this type of thing they can. When they are adults and can make their own, educated choices. Until that time, not on my watch!

FMK - Emergency Doctor Visit

I will say this for the American health care system, they do not care who you are or how long you have been waiting, they will see you when they are good and ready. Now, I understand that a pregnant lady having pre-term contractions might not seem like a big deal to professionals but I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! I want to be treated like the pain in my wife's belly is something that people care about. I don't want to wait in a hospital room for six hours before anyone decides we can go. I don't want to hear that my wife hasn't eaten enough when they won't let her eat! Christ Almighty! Whatever happened to bedside manner? Whatever happened to checking in on a patient more than once every hour and a half? Seriously, I thought they forgot about us.
OK. Mommy had some contractions today that really hurt and we went to the hospital. In fact she called me at work and said come home now and take me to the hospital. I am not a man who deals with medical surprises well. I sped home, flipped off the snow-head driving ten miles under the speed limit in front of me and pulled into the driveway guns blazing. Your mother looked at me like I was crazy and said to me, "Do you want to change your clothes or go to the bathroom?" NO! I already pooped my pants out of fear on the way over. I don't need to go.
Turns out this type of thing is normal. Especially for mother's of twins. So we got that going for us. However, they gave your mom a shot that the doctor said would make her heart race a little. I thought she was going to die. No kidding around either. I thought she was going to have a heart attack right there and that I would have to find that doctor and hurt him. I have never been more scared in my life. I could see her heart beating in her chest it was thumping that strong. She couldn't breathe and was coughing. It was singularly terrible. I never want to see her like that again. So girls, if you could, stop getting in the head first ready to go position so soon. Wait another three months and then you can. Until then just do somersaults or something.

FMK - It's late

Mommy and daddy had a late night with friends today. Because of that, and the fact that your dad always does his work at the last minute, it is now very late and I still have to shower and get to bed. So no exciting post tonight. I really do feel bad that I do not post a quality bit of writing each and every night. I think I am one or two behind in my goal of posting every day until you are born. The lesson to be learned here is that sometimes, your plans do not mean squat. Sometimes, life gets in the way. And that isn't always a bad thing. I could have done my work earlier today but Kill Bill was on and I was suckered in. I could have done my work later on when I was waiting for your mom to shower. I am not a man who has learned to prioritize yet. I am not a man who keeps to a schedule very well. But I am working on it. For you. Because you need me to. Because I should. It's funny to me that both of you make me want to change and improve things about my life and you aren't even here yet. That's just weird. And that fact is part of why I wanted to start this blog in the first place. There is so much I understand about my parents now that I am about to be one. So much I wish that I had known previously. Hopefully this blog will serve to do that for the two of you.

FMK - Special Report

I am officially a good husband and father. You see, we went to get cloth diapers for you today. They are much nicer than regular diapers and I want your buns to be comfortable. I care too much I know. ANYWAY, while we were in Tampa this morning, I decided to take your mom over to Yankees training camp and by proxy, you girls as well. Mom didn't know that you could just go to the stadium and watch practice. It's one of the things that is absolutely great about baseball. You can watch the guys play from the stadium seats for free. And the players interact with the fans. The highlight of the day, at least for me, was seeing the reaction on your mom's face when she realized that not only were there Yankees close by but, we could go see them. She made this screaming noise that only happens when she gets really excited. Like, excited in the same way a fat kid gets when he/she realizes that not only can they have their cake but can eat it as well. However, a really close second to that is the fact that I got an A-Rod autograph today. I am not an autograph hound by any stretch. Those people can be really quite nuts. But, it is cool to have a player take the time to scribble their name on a roster sheet. It's something I will put with my other Yankee stuff. I creates a point of time in your brain. I will not be able to look at that autograph and not remember the whole day. And that is a good thing. Next year, we will go back and maybe one of you can meet a player. I think you will be far to young to care but I must admit, I am really looking forward to taking you girls out to the ballpark for practice. It is just a very cool atmosphere that cannot be recreated.
Plus, that had really awesome Yankee baby merch that your mom flipped for. You will be decked and checked in the proper attire I can assure you.
Back to family intros tomorrow. Mema is next.

FMK - Great Grandpa

Tonight's post will be about your great grandpa. He is truly an amazing man. He has lived a life that should be the envy of most men. He is smart and ruthlessly funny. He is also caring and generous. He is the type of man I want to be. He should write a book about his life. I've no doubt it would be a tremendous seller.
First things first. Your great grandfather is not a young man. He is an old man with one solitary goal in his life. That is to meet both of you. He told me many years ago that he would not be happy until he held his great grand babies. And that is something I have wanted to give to him very much. Understand that this simple thing is the only thing he has ever asked of me. It brings me an absolute sense of right that, all things remaining constant, I will be able to grant him his one request. His entire life has been devoted to making his family happy. From his first wife, my grandma, to his current wife, he has only wanted to please. He has doted on every one he has ever known. And because of his genuine affection for the human spirit everyone who has met the man has instantly loved him and called him grandpa. Because he embodies the type of grandfather that great authors try to create.
Your great grandfather is also a man who has experienced tremendous sadness in his life. From the death of his son, my father, to the loss of his wife a year later, life has tried to break him. Cancer, a stroke, a heart attack and numerous surgeries and procedures later he stands with both fingers held high as if to say, "Fuck You! I'll go when I am damn well ready and I ain't ready!" He is without a doubt the strongest man I have ever met, both physically and emotionally. He said to me in the kitchen of my mother's home in NJ, "I never thought I was the strong one." Well I am here to tell you that he is the strong one. He is a rock. He is determined and willing. Nobody tells that man what to do.
Your great grandpa is also an extremely bright man. He can speak seven languages fluently. He has read more than I could ever know. He has life experiences that have made him worldly wise and street smart. Which is a dangerous combination to be. He can discuss any topic at will. He has remained current. Which is such an impressive thing. Most people lose touch when they get older. He seems to get more ahead of everyone else.
I truly could go on and on about this man. He fought and found love in WWII. He worked and interacted with NY luminaries like Andy Kaufman. He touched the lives of everyone who ever spoke to him. To this day my friends from back home ask about him. Keep in mind that they may have only met the man one time for a few minutes. But they cannot help but be interested in his well being. He gave me a love for movies and music and culture. He taught me to love life and all its idiosyncrasies. He is the most complexly simple man that has ever lived. I am proud that he is my grandfather and am ever thankful that he had an influence on my life.
I hope that when all is said and done that he got to see and hold you.
I hope that I grow to be half the man he doesn't even realize he is.

FMK - Mom continued

Before I start I want to mention that last.fm is great. I have been so disenfranchised with music in general lately. This site creates a "playlist" from one artist you search for. It is very cool. And it allows me to multi-mediatask! Woot!
ANYWAY, back to how cool your mom is. I will try to keep my thoughts more cogent and coherent this time out. A list format is in order I think.
Baseball: Your mom loves baseball. How cool is that? A hot girl who likes baseball is an amazing find. And she like the Yankees. My favorite team is her favorite team! If she had been a Red Sox fan, well..... But she is not. And she is passionate about her team. She knows what is going on with the team and who is playing well. Currently, she is resisting the love for C.C. Sabathia and Mark Teixeria but she will come around. She even loves to go to baseball games. Not many girls in my life have ever wanted to go to a ball game. Especially not to one that would cost the amount of money that typical Yankee games cost. But she is gung-ho. And that is really awesome.
Cooking: Your mom is a fantastic cook. I mean seriously good. In our entire time together she has made one or two things that I did not like. Everything else has been great. And that is saying something. I will try anything once. Most of the time I will not try that same thing again. But your mom always seems to nail it. From breakfast to dessert she has it down. And you are really lucky because of that. My mom and grandma were good cooks. Everything at the dinner table at my house was always good. But your mom whips out some gourmet food that I have never heard of. You girls will eat well.
Movies: Your mom has really good taste in movies. She does not like bad films. While I enjoy some very questionable films, she is all quality. She turned me on to some great things during our relationship. And it has been a favorite thing of mine to discover new films with her. As a side note, she hates it when I call movies films. She thinks it makes me sound like I am trying to hard. But, that is why I do it, to get this look that only she can give. It is priceless.
Music: Music is not the biggest part of your moms life. She is certainly not into it like I am. However, she gets it. She passed her test with Bright Eyes early in our relationship. She has continued to pass each test with things like Matisyahu and Death Cab for Cutie. She may not realize that she was being tested but she was. Each successful pass lets her keep her "cool chix" card. Her favorite band of all time is The Beatles and I find that hard to argue with.
Geek Stuff: Your mom is such a huge geek it's silly. She really is. Ask her one day to talk about Star Trek and marvel in her geekery. But it is one of her endearing qualities. She can argue about comics. About whether or not Batman has the better rogues gallery than Spiderman, which for the record he does. She can contribute theories to Lost and Life on Mars. She cried at a Doctor Who episode. She buys toys and plays videogames. She has geek apparel. And it is so great that she is like me. I have not met many who can keep up with the voracity at which my tastes change. See, I don't like something and then change to something else. I add to my likes. Constantly. And your mom keeps up.
Acceptance: The most important characteristic about your mom however is that she makes me be comfortable with me. I am a silly, random mess most of the time. I know this and refuse to change it. And your mom accepts it and loves me for it. That is the most awesome thing of all. She gives me peace. She gives me balance.
( there is a very easy star wars reference there but I won't make it, just know I realized it)

FMK - Your Mom

So I promised to introduce the rest of your family starting with your mom. Never one to break my promises, at least not intentionally, here goes. But, I should preface this by saying that I might sound like a emotional ass during this post. And I don't care. I mean every word.
Your mom is the most awesome woman I know. She really is. I knew from the very first second I met her that she would be the girl I would marry. She had this air around her, just a vibe. She came off as incredibly cool and confidant without being high maintenance. I met her while working at a video game store in Glassboro, New Jersey. She was working at the video store we leached off of. Little did I know that my decision to up and quit a job I had worked for six years would lead me to her. I often wonder how I would have found her if I didn't leave that job. As it was though, it worked out perfectly. Your mom had moved to NJ to get away from a life she didn't want in California. She had broken up with a guy and I had recently broken up with a long time girlfriend. Sounds like a perfect start right? Unfortunately, no. And the reason I say that is because I love her so much that I am mad about the time we lost. But no matter. I knew she was the one, and she knew it too. The timing wasn't right then so we played this silly game of call you and talk for hours and then not speak again for months. It went on like this for years. We even got so far as to sort of make plans to go see a movie. She didn't call though and I was crushed. So crushed that when I was out Christmas shopping a few months later and saw her working at a store, and I knew it was her no matter how hard I tired to convince myself it wasn't, I simply could not go talk to her. I am not a guy who takes rejection well. It hasn't happened very often in my life and I couldn't take a perceived rejection from her again. I just would not have been able to handle that. So I chickened out. Luckily though she called. And that was it. There were some rough spots that we had to work through but we did. And I really lucked out. I did and said some things that probably should have ended our relationship before it ever really got started. Again, I am really lucky your mom is as great as she is.
And she truly is special. She is one of the most caring girls I know. Nothing she does is ever good enough for people if you ask her. She bakes a cake that everyone loves to pieces and she thinks it's crap. She gives of herself and feels bad for not giving more. And the great thing is that she does it for no other reason than because it is her nature to do. She wants to make people feel good. She wants them to be happy. She never shows up empty handed. Ask your Uncle Nick one day about his Team Zisou beanie. Mom got it for him. Because she wanted to bring gifts for my friends. Because she wanted them to be happy. And the beautiful thing was that she hadn't even met them.
At the time of this writing she is 26. I wanted to make sure I included that. I want you girls to know that your parents are people. I didn't really realize this until I was around 23 or 24. I hope you realize this a little earlier.
ANYWAY, back to how awesome she is. Other than being caring, she is funny. Really very funny. And quick. She has a quick mind that turns out some gems. I consider myself to be pretty quick. I have been told that I am funny. But your mom is funny without potty humor. She can make jokes that aren't filthy. I am not so good at that and I envy her. She has taught me to expand my humor into something more palatable. You will see. She will make you laugh. She makes everyone laugh. I don't even think she realizes it sometimes.
Your mom is also smart. VERY smart. She is smarter than I am or will ever be. I imagine this is what gets her into trouble with other adults. You see, your mom has no patience for stupidity. It makes her angry. Like biblical angry. And it is not her fault. The problem is that while people are talking or doing, she is already three steps ahead. She can make people feel dumb without trying. And while that sounds mean it really isn't. She dominates conversations because she has already thought of and answered the questions people are going to ask. She brings out insecurities in people that they didn't know they had. And I love her for it. It makes me have to work harder to keep up with her. I don't always present myself as the smartest guy in the room but I usually am pretty near the top of the lsit. And because of your mom I will stay up there. And you will too. I am very much looking forward to the conversations you will have. I know I will not have stupid kids because your mom won't tolerate it.
I am going to stop here. I will continue tomorrow. I realized about halfway through this writing that I should have made a web or an outline or something to guide my thoughts. I might even go back and edit this post.
More to come.

Top Blogs 2008

So father times 2 didn't make Time magazines list of top blogs for 2008. Ah well, maybe next year. I wonder what I would have to do to get this blog into the top 25 for Time? Probably a lot more than I am willing or able to do. So, raspberries to them. I am finding it increasingly hard to come up with witty things to post about on this blog. Since I am still new at this daily writing gig I am still finding my stride. I will get there. I really do enjoy writing and I hope that one day you girls enjoy reading this snapshot of who I was and who I am.
That being said, tomorrow I will begin the introductions to the rest of your family. Your mom will be first. After that you ladies will get a whirlwind tour of your (currently) living relatives. They are wacky people with a lot to give. One thing they will all have in common is how much they will love you and spoil you. See, the two of you are the first of a new generation. And you are the first set of twins that anyone can remember in the family. So you win.
Your family is a great collection of people. I love them all. You will too. They are not perfect, nobody is. What they are is singularly different. The different factions for lack of a better word could not be more different in how they operate on a day to day basis. And you will see through my writing how different they are. But, you will also see a common thread. Between my side of the family and your mom's you will see how they could not be more perfect to have you in their lives. Hopefully I can convey this in my writing. If not, ask me to explain it when you are older.

FMK - So tired

I didn't do much of anything today and I am pooped. I literally sat on my tush and watched TV most of the day and I am seconds away from sleep. I don't even have anything to say except that I will one day look back upon these posts and remember a time when I got tired from nothing instead of from being a daddy. I will look back and laugh. I will laugh because being a daddy is a totally worthwhile reason to be tired.

FMK - Valentine's Day

Today was Valentine's Day. I remember when I was little how much fun it was to go to school with your stack of carefully selected Vday cards. Mema would always take me shopping a couple of days before and I would plague over which package to get. It was such a huge decision to my little mind. Did I go with what I liked or what I thought the cute girl was going to like? See, boys don't ever change. Our entire lives are devoted to doing things to get girls to like us. There is not one thing a male does that is not intended to attract someone else. Even if that things is to be quiet and mysterious or loud and obvious, it's all for love. We really are sappy. You will experience this relatively early in your lives. You will get a Vday card from a boy that he will have carefully selected just for you. And you probably won't even know it. It won't seem anymore important than the rest of the cards you get. It will have some popular character on it and a Be Mine or I Ch-Ch-Choose You message. But, I promise, that boy will have opened the package and read all the cards inside and said to himself, "Yup, this is the one. She gets this one; it's perfect." There is no boy on earth that has not done this. And that will never change. The boy might not even make a big deal out of the card. Most likely, he goes to his seat and watches, out of the corner of his eye, your reaction to his card. A smile can go a long way in validating the feelings of a young man on his decision. It can start that build up of confidence that is so important. A scowl or for lack of a better word frowny face, can send the boy home in tears.
I always did well. And continue to kick this holidays butt every year. Even if I need to re-do a gift.

FMK - Technicality

See, technically for more, it's still Friday. I haven't gone to sleep yet so this post counts towards my one a day goal. I was working on your mom's Valentine's Day present and I got caught up. Painting is rough, especially with spray paint. But I like to work with it. Its just never been my strong suit. I used to draw a lot. And then I stopped. No particular reason, I just lost interest I guess. But I have always fancied myself an artist. I like to do creative things. Drawing, painting, things like that. I have some plans for silk screening or some such equivalent but we will see when that happens. Not that I am lazy or unmotivated, I just lack patience. I have never understood how an artist can work on something for hours or days or even years. I mean, grand total, I spent close to five hours on your mom's gift. That to me at least, seems reasonable. That is just about where I lose patience and begin cursing at the project. As if it could help my lack of skills. But, I will keep trying. I will continue to experiment and get better. I have ideas in mind for each of you. I haven't mentioned them to anyone yet though because they are always changing. I can't wait to do projects together. I hope one of you at least got some sort of creative bug from us. That would be really cool.

FMK - Laundry

I have to do it and I hate it. The problem is that your mother and I have so many clothes. SO MANY CLOTHES! And we have gotten rid of stuff. Bags and bags of clothes have gone to goodwill and we still seem to have a lot. The laundry is backing up. Thank goodness for President's Day. I have off from work and I can do laundry. Woot I say.
See, one thing I have yet to learn is routine. I am really quite awful when it comes to routine things. But I need to get better. With two little girls on the way, I have no choice. And that is the wonderful thing about kids I suppose. You will force me to become a better man.
PS - I am making a thing for mommy that relates to the two of you. Shhhhh, don't tell her.

FMK - Kick

So I kind of felt you kick today. Well, really I sorta felt Katie kick, Penny was chillin'. And it's starting to upset your mom that I cannot feel both of you kick so you should probably start soon. It puts a lot of pressure on me and I feel bad so kick and kick hard. :) (as a side note, I do my best to not use emoticons but without being able to hear my snarkiness they are needed)
I really do want to be able to feel you girls kick and move. That is so cool and freaky at the same time. It's weird to have people living inside you. I could not handle it. When you really think about it, it's like some monster movie shit that women go through. People, moving, inside you. Weird. But, since I don't have to fell that part, I really want to know you are OK in there. I mean I know that you are but, I want to know you know.
I remember when my mom was pregnant with your aunt and uncle that I was able to feel both of them kick. It was really cool. That sensation allows for a more personal connection. It's like it's finally real. Plus it's like an inside out high five so that's cool.
Either way, no pressure. Just on with the penalty shots.

FMK - Dieting

I have decided to diet. Now, I am not morbidly obese but, I could stand to lose a few pounds. See, I don't want to be a fat dad with fat kids. I want to be able to play with you when you want to run around. I want to be able to keep up with you. I don't want you to be fat. It's unfair that the world you live in is going to try and define what your body type should be. And it is doubly unfair that the body type most often presented is pretty much unreachable without a lot of money and self loathing. I want to be healthier for you and I want you to be healthy.
It makes me so fucking mad to see fat kids stuffing their faces full of shitty food. I am an adult who buys my own food. I know that I should have a salad over a burger. However, kids don't know any better. I saw a kid tonight at a pizza joint who was huge. The kid could not have been more than 7. He must have weighed close to 150 lbs! No lie. And he was short. This kid looked like he was about to have a heart attack right there. And he was stuffing his face full of ziti covered in cheese and sauce. And I literally mean stuffing. I saw this kid put a giant forkful in his mouth, chew four or five times, and then mash more food in. To the point where he could not close his mouth all the way and still breathe. I wanted to find this kids parents and smash them. This kid eats this way because he is allowed to. I eat like shit because I am allowed to as well. The difference is that I am 28. And I know better. This kid really bothered me and has set me on a course of action. I want to lose weight so that I can be a part of your lives. Not just when you are babies but when you are older as well. Our family is pretty big and I apologize for that. Your genes are working against you. But, it is my duty to teach you better. And in order to do that I need to figure it out for myself. Here's hoping I do soon because I will not let you girls get big. Your lives will be tough enough without having that pressure as well.

FMK - A Beautiful Day

Today was an awesome day as far as weather was concerned. It may seem like an odd thing to post about, and admittedly I don't have anything else, but it really was great. See, when I lived in New Jersey, the weather was nice for a grand total of 7 hours on a Tuesday in April. That's it. The rest of the time it sucked, hard. It was either way too hot or way too cold, and grey. Holy jebus is everything in that state grey. The sunniest day in NJ is still fucking depressing. And it smells. Bad. Especially around Newark. But, for all the shit Florida gets, most of it well deserved, the weather is the tip. It was absolutely gorgeous today. And it will be tomorrow. And the day after. And for most of the year. Sure there are two months out of the year where you can fry an egg on the hood of your car. But, and this is key, it's like that around the country. With the climate we now live in, everywhere gets hot. And do not ever be fooled by people who claim a dry heat is better. When it is 110 degrees outside, that's hot. Like I said earlier, I am bummed to all get out that you will miss snow. I'm sure we will take you to visit someone and it will be cold and snowing. And once you have experienced it, you will beg for the beach and the sun. Truly, the weather has such an effect on people. Sunny days equal good things. Cold and grey equals assholes aplenty.
As a side note, I cannot wait to cheer A-Rod this year. And kids, remember, if you love a celebrity as a hero, whoever they are, realize that they are not perrfect. Love their mistakes as well as triumphs.

FMK - Baby Toys

Today we went shopping for you. We got some room decorations and some stuff to make mommy more comfortable. And her comfort really does impact your well being so there you go. While we were out, we looked at a bunch of stuff. I even picked out your, hopefully, stroller. It is very cool and not to girly for me to push around. But, while looking at the toys I came to a realization. Baby stuff is certainly a lot cooler than when I was a kid. However, I do not think it is better. I want you to have the latest and the coolest thing. I want you to have the giant dinosaur, even though you are girls, because it is awesome. But some of the new toys frighten me. There is just too much going on. ADD and ADHD are on the rise in this country. Could this be to over stimulation of kids, especially babies? I tend to think so. It also leads me to believe that as a people, we give less of a shit about our kids. It seems like the answer for so many people is to throw more stuff at the child until it shuts up. Now, I do not have you yet so I am not going to pretend that I get "it" right now. But to me, it seems like there are a lot of people that have kids as an accessory rather than as someone they care about. To me, most of the products scream look, you don't even have to parent your child. This wonderful device will do it for you. And people are OK with that? Why even have the kid? We then wonder why our children have issues with authority and structure and life. We have not given it to them. We have set no boundaries or levels of satisfaction. We have had no involvement. There used to be the complaint that people let TV babysit their child. Now, instead of working to fix that, we have made products that do a better job of it! Baby Einstein my ass. No amount of DVD bullshit can replace human interaction. And I look at these toys and think well shit, there is no hope. But then I see a small section, off to the corner, of toys that encourage thinking instead of doing it for you. Toys that enable you to play and imagine and make a ruckus. Music toys are a perfect example. When I was little, and thank god they still exist, kids got shit they could bang on and make "music". Now, kids can bang on new music toys and the toy plays a pre-recorded song. Where is the creativity? And what message are we sending to kids? That all you have to do is push a button and things are perfect? Well, I say thee nay. You girls will get toys and lots of them. Hell, I got three today as well. But your toys will encourage you to think. Your toys will be classic. You will learn from your toys. And what you learn will be based on what you experience with that toy, not what the script guy came up with. And you will not have toys that jack up the sensory experience. I saw a high chair today and wondered, with all the shit on there, where do I put the food? I saw a jumper that instead of encouraging you to jump and use your legs, encouraged you to interact with things in a 360 degree environment. That is just fuck nuts! You will have tea parties with your stuffed animals and imaginary friends, not an interactive movie. This sounds strong I know, but I feel very strongly about this. I work with kids all day who have no imagination. Kids that get pissed when they have to think. Kids who could not have fun without being told how to do so and that is sad. It is absentee parenting. It is putting your kids in a room with a TV and telling them that they are to watch it all day and not bother them. It is not reading to your kids but instead, using an "interactive" storybook. Interactive has become another way of saying force-fed and I won't allow that in my house. I want my girls to think and imagine and dream. I want your dreams to be fantastic and crazy and silly. But most importantly, I want them to be yours, not a marketing firms.
As a side note, I realize that I used quite a few quotation marks. I apologize because it is lazy writing in my book. But I'm tired so "sue" me.

FMK - Sleeping Beauty

So your first Disney movie is Sleeping Beauty. And it's your first bluray as well. But, really, that's for mommy and me since it came with a dvd copy for you. ANYWAY, I hope you like it. I wonder what type of Disney fans you will be. Considering the lady your Mema is, I don't think it's an option for you not to like Disney. She might disown you and me if that were the case. No, I wonder if the two of you will like the same type of Disney; or if one will like one type and one the other. Or, will you be like me and cherry pick your favorites. (Robin Hood, Pete's Dragon, Sword in the Stone, Jungle Book in no particular order for me) I like a wide range of movies but if I had to guess, I would imagine that both of you will be little Tink fans. That seems to be where the market is headed and that is cool with me. And I imagine cool with your mom as well because she can then steer you into the world of Brian Froud and things like Labyrinth and Dark Crystal. And Faeries are cool enough. And Tink is cool enough. And if you girls end up being fans of whatever, it won't matter to me. I'll buy you the dress up shit and let you pretend that the dogs are ponies or bad guys or whatever. There is a certain magic to that damn mouse that is undeniable. Even for me, the theme parks hold a certain amount of awesome that I cannot fully explain. You ladies will be sick of them by the time Mema gets done. She is going to take you there, a lot. Whereas I got the train station, you get the mouse. Not that I am complaining, the train station is still one of my very favorite places, just noticing the difference. Some people will spend their entire lives saving for a once in a lifetime trip to the land of the mouse. They will spend copious amounts of time, money, and energy in the planning and execution of this trip. It will be the talk of that family for the rest of their lives. You will go to see the fireworks on a Tuesday because why the fuck not? You will be spoiled by this and while I should tell you to take this opportunity to be thankful for what you have, and I will, I mostly just think that those people should move out of their crappy country and work for free passes like everyone else. Plus, you are my kids dammit and you will be spoiled.

FMK - Your first movie

Tonight was your first, of many hopefully, trips to the movies. We went to see Taken. Now, I'm not sure if it was wise to see a movie about a man losing his daughter and having to fight to get her back. I simply am not as bad ass as Liam Neeson. However, I realized that I would become the ultimate badass if anything ever happened to you. And I have to say, you were very well behaved. There were a lot of families there and lots of kids. You did the best out of all of them. And I really cannot wait to take you to the movies. It is such a magical thing. Some of my fondest memories are of going to the movies with your great grandpa. He is a movie buff and he passed his love of film on to me. It just so happens that your mom is a movie geek to so you have no choice. There are so many great things about the movies that I cannot wait to share with you. Especially at a theatre. There is just something different. I mean, the movies look better on our tv. By a lot. But there is just a difference. Somethings need to be seen on a screen that is huge. And the drive-in is fantastic. Just a really great place that feels really old and soulful. Watching movies there lets you connect with days long gone and people long forgotten. You get to share that same experience with lots of people but in your own little bubble. And I gotta tell you, car seats are much better than movie seats. Plus the speakers in cars are really good so you don't have to deal with shitty drive-in speakers. And, and this is big, you can bring your own food and drink. Woot! All for $4.00 for two shows. It's amazing and I really hope it's still open when you are old enough to go. It is one of the things I am looking forward to the most.

FMK - Money

OK. Here's the deal. Money is evil. Sure, it can buy you a great deal of stuff. And yes, it can buy you happiness. But, there is never enough. To get the things you want, the house, the car, the whatever. I am probably not going to make a lot if money in my life. Since you are both girls, that means I need to start saving now. Two weddings, baby stuff for both of you, etc. I am now facing a real dilemma. What do I do, work more and spend less time at home? Or work less and be able to provide less? It really sucks that I have to make that choice. I want to be home with you. But I also want to provide you with everything you need and most of what you want. The job market is not good right now. I am sure that by the time you are working, the market will have shifted many, many times. Hopefully, it is for the better. But, if it is not well, I just don't know. I promise that I will do everything I can to get into a position that benefits everyone. I know your mother will too. And I know we will make it work. We have to. I suppose I wanted to write this tonight to let you know that you are my priority, even when it might not seem like it. I will provide for you as best I can. I want you girls to be proud of the man I am and the man I become because of you.

Taxes

Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Boo owing money. Boo paying taxes all year and then having to pay more. Boo not having any deductions. Boo crappy credit that prevents me from getting some deductions. Children in the womb should really count. GRR!

FMK - Bath Time!

So, I sincerely hope that bath time is more fun with you girls than it is with our dogs. They hate it. I don't think I have mentioned yet that we have two dogs (and two cats and a fish). Having two little girls seems natural I suppose. ANYWAY, the dogs names are Brody and Ace. Brody is a basset hound/shar-pei mix and is about the coolest looking dog I have ever seen. We got him after mom and I went to see a movie, I can't remember which one, and I said, "Why don't we have a dog yet?" Your mother, being the totally awesome lady she is, immediately started scouring the net and local papers to find us a dog. Luckily, we found Brody. He was free to a good home from a nice couple in Ocala. They were moving to Tennessee and could not take him. They had a little girl, around four I think, that he never was rough with. I hope he is the same with you. All he wants is to be loved. Ace on the other hand is a flat coated retriever mix. He is still a puppy and a licker to the tenth degree. He cannot not lick. We got him from another couple that was moving. They had hit tough financial times and needed to get rid of their litter of puppies. We went to their home and played with all the puppies they had. We decided on Ace because he was the only one that relaxed while we were there. He has since decided that he does not like to relax. He is very sweet though. I am not sure how he is around children but I hope he does well. ANYWAY, short story long, they hate bath time. A lot! And I am never rough with them. I use warm water and gentle washing motions and everything. I hope the two of you handle it better. I mean, you get bath toys and baby shampoo, which is quite awesome I might add. And you get special little tubs and towels and swaddling cloths. And we are probably going to get a ladybug or turtle shower caddy to hold your stuff so at least bath time will be with a friend. Either way, I am excited. That may sound weird but, I know that some of my families favorite moments are from bath times. There is just something inherently silly and fun about it. I hope it stays that way.

FMK - T-minus 4 months and counting

So the due date is about four months away, give or take a few days. Your mom is scared and I am too. I don't know how to be a dad, I have never been one before. I have babysat for your aunt and uncle and I work with kids all day. But I'm not their daddy. I'm your daddy. And that is really scary. Now, I don't want it to seem like I am upset about the whole thing because I am not. I could not be more excited. But, I have to come to grips with the fact that I am going to screw up. Probably more than once. And your mom is going to screw up, probably more than once. But I want you to know right now that no matter what, we are going to do everything we can to be the best we can. Your mom said she found it weird that nobody said to us, "OK, have some kids. You are ready." And she is right. You have to get a license for everything else in this country. Hell, you have to be eighteen to buy eggs on fucking Halloween. But there is no class, no test, that says you can have a kid. You simply do the deed and have a bundle of joy nine months later. And I wonder, is that really the way it should be? Would we not be better off if people had to demonstrate at least a reasonable level of competence before they bring a child into this world? See, one thing about your parents, we are opinionated. About shit we haven't even done yet. And we believe ourselves to be right. We have conviction. And I know we are going to raise smart kids who will question things and think big thoughts. You girls will at least be able to discuss all manner of subjects intelligently. But I fear not really my own parenting skills but the skills of those around you. I will never be a millionaire. I teach. It's noble which is another way of saying I do a good thing and get shit money for it. But that's ok, I love it. That being said, we will probably not live in the uppity section of town. We certainly won't be ghetto, no chance of that. But, upper crust is probably not an option. And that is OK. We don't need to live in the highest rated city around or in the biggest house. In fact, I want you to live where there is some culture. I want you to be exposed to the things I was not as a child. I lived in a relatively small town growing up. I have fond memories of it and the town was full of good people. But it wasn't exactly cool. It didn't have a lot of variety. And I want you to have that. But, it has to be carefully selected variety. That may sound strange but, I do not want you to be like the majority of the people where we are now. And that is what scares me. I worry that I won't make enough money to get you girls someplace I believe to be good enough for you. I actually do not know if that place exists. I know I haven't found it yet. And I know that it is other people that worry me more than any blunders your mom or I may make. See, most people are inherently good. I believe that to be true. But, as the old saying goes, a few bad apples ruin the whole bunch. I see people raising children to be leeches on society. To expect everything to be handed to them without any work attached. And these are the people that are going to play an important part in shaping the people you grow up to be. I make no mistake that while your mom and I have a very large role in your development, your peers will make a bigger impact on you. And that scares the bejesus out of me. Especially considering the rare breed of human I currently meet so often, the white hunter who thinks he is in a rap group/gang. This shit baffles me. To the point where my brain just shuts down for awhile. It is truly unbefuckinleavable to see a pick -up truck, driven by a white guy with awful hair and even worse teeth, blaring the latest overmarketed rap. Ah, the wonders of the south.
But, brass tacks, I am scared and excited. I know I will be good. I know your mom will be better. The rest of the world, well, we'll see won't we?

FMK - Thank heaven

For little girls! I suppose that is now to become my song. I guess I can also address my posts to "girls" instead of "you." And I a happy. I did not care if you were boys or girls, I only wanted you healthy. And you are. According to all the doctors we have seen, you are growing just as you should. The only concerning thing is the amount of pink shit in the house. Not that pink is bad or that I don't want baby stuff, it's just a lot all at once. And I will not give in. I will dress you in things that are cool regardless of color. I guess I really just have to make you stuff now. My little girls will be punk rock damnit. Actually hell, I don't even know what that means. I want to dress you in cool stuff. Things that I like and your mom likes. Hopefully you will like it as well. Girl clothes are a mystery to me though. Everything has ruffles or lace and that does not look comfortable. I guess I have to place an order for little pink Yankees jerseys now. You already have home and away ones, but now you get to have girly ones. Regardless, my girls will be awesome. I don't see any reason why my little ladies cannot wear Batman or Spiderman stuff. Your mom and dad do, so will you. Hopefully the two of you have hair soon enough so that we can out ribbons in and end any questions people may have regarding your gender. All babies look androgynous. That's why the pink and blue thing started. Hopefully we can get past that stage rather quickly.
My main concern now is raising you right. Letting you become the women you are going to become. I promise to learn to play with Barbie dolls if you want. We can listen to Hannah Montana if that is what you want to hear. But no Bratz! Ever! Those dolls are seriously fucked up. And my girls will not have body issues because of a toy. My girls will be amazing people because they have amazing people raising them. Your family loves you. No matter what. And we will do right by you. If you want to be girly, fine. If you want to be cage fighters, fine. All I care about is your happiness. Well that, and that you don't become woo girls. Nobody likes a woo girl.

Fmk - A big day!

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit! I saw you today. I found out that you are going to be baby girls. Katy and Penelope, possible spelling change to Katy. And you went to Disney. And both Nana and Mema got a lot of pink stuff. And you went on It's A Small World already so that totally means that I never have to take you on that ride again. Right? We got a DVD of mommy's ultrasound that I will be making copies of and sending to various family members. And I might broadcast it for my school. I will at least be showing the pictures. I am overwhelmed by this day. I am excited at the thought of what kind of girls you will be. Punk rock or preppy? Glam or jam? Either way I really do not care. I want you healthy, that's all. Everything else is just gravy. And now...bed. It has been a long day and this post is going to turn to rubbish right quick if I do not stop. More soon.

FMK - We got stuff!

Woot! Stuff! Baby stuff! Like bottles and diapers and swings and shit. It's almost like we are ready to have babies in the house. I don't know if we will ever really be ready per se. I mean, what is ready exactly? But there are now the things that are needed for proper baby having procedures in the house. AND I built one of them. As a side note, I like to put stuff together. There is a very primal sense of satisfaction from taking some parts and making a thing. Your Nana is here and dropping coin like it's her job. And your mom and I appreciate the hell out of it. We could have you tomorrow and be OK. We even have amazing blankets that make me jealous. Why is it babies that get the softest things? Do adults not like being comfortable?
See, in life there are needs and wants. I remember my seventh grade social studies teacher, Mr. Heidemark, giving a very excellent lesson on the concept of needs and wants. It was explained through the X-Men and that amazed my twelve year old mind. We have the stuff we need. The stuff we want is a giant list that is never ending. And that's life, a giant list of stuff you want. A bigger house, nicer car, more toys, newest electronics. Hell, even babies was on my want list. But now, that you are on the way, the focus needs to shift to what you need. I will still buy toys and electronics. Having you in my life does not mean I have to stop enjoying those things, it means I get to enjoy them with you. And that is awesome. But, I do need to get you what you need. And you need bottles. And pacifiers. And diapers. And bibs. And clothes. And a lot of other stuff. And you will have those things you need. And I will do my best to get you what you want. I was spoiled and I want to spoil you. I cannot wait to take you to the toy store. Or clothes shopping. Or to the skate shop. Or wherever makes you happy. But I do find it interesting how the things you need are becoming the things I want. That is pretty cool. I like thinking that we got you the best pacifiers there are. I love the swing we got you. Mostly because it turns into your own pimp chair for when you are older and chillin' with dad watching baseball. I love having this stuff because I love that we are having you. Like a lot. Like big huge.
The important thing here is to remember to teach you the difference between need and want. And that it is OK to have wants. Your wants make you interesting. And the give you a reason to do. Now my main reason is you. I won't lie, I like things. I like to have new electronics and clothes and whatnot. If I had a lot of money, I would have a ridiculous shoe collection. That seems silly but it is true. I would buy out the Adidas and New Balance outlet stores. Zappos.com would be my homepage. I would have a shoe closet to rival a fashion models. BUT, never at your expense. You now come first. And will for along time. At least until you have "real" jobs. And probably a little after that.
But for now, we will continue to get the things you need. The baby section of our local big box retailers will be mapped to my brain. I will be able to tell complete strangers where to find baby wipes at a number of local Targets. And it's OK because it's what I want.

FMK - Planning for your future

So your Nana came to town today. She is visiting us, and you, and going to the ultrasound to find out if you are boys or girls. She brought along some of your mom's old school yearbooks. Your mom was a cutie. ANYWAY, the entire time we were looking at them all I could think about was what your stories will be. And how my plans may or may not be in those stories. You see, when looking at a yearbook, you remember things. Some things are good, some are bad. Some are the types of stories you will continue to tell the rest of your lives. These are the stories that you probably don't want to tell mom and dad, at least not until they cannot ground you any longer. Than there are other stories that make you sad. People you were friends with, or that had some bad shit happen to them. We all have those stories. And the funny thing is, all of those stories are the same. In every school across the land there are the same exact stories. Yet, they are so personal to us. The things that happen while we are in school, or at least at that age, define who we are. There is some pivotal shit. And most of it you do not remember until you see a yearbook. Those people who influenced your lives, like my friend Billy who showed me the Herbie Hancock album Headhunters, or Justin who introduced me to Taosim, those people exist in this perfect little bubble of a memory. And the reason I find this interesting is because I now realize that they had parents. Now, that sounds silly on the surface but, they had more than moms and dads. They had people who planned their lives, who tried to guide their children to do certain things. These people sat and thought about their children's lives just like I am thinking about yours. And they made plans. Grand plans that involved their children being great people. And I wonder, as I look at a yearbook, did those plans work out? How much control do I really have? I know that I have influence, I know that. But control is kind of this intangible thing we think we can measure, at least in terms of children. I guess what I am trying to say, and yes I realize that this is a disjointed post but I am very tired, is that I don't think I am going to make many plans. I am going to be and you are going to be. Hopefully that works out alright and you become the people that are remembered fondly when a yearbook spine is cracked open and those memories flood back. I just realized this tonight. My plan is to be. I guess I really am a Taoist at heart. Thanks Justin.
PS - Nana brought me a rock-on t shirt. Nana rules! It is seriously the bees knees.

FMK - Jealousy

So as of right now your mom can feel you move and kick. She said it's like a rumbling in her belly. Kind of like when you get nervous and your stomach goes all fluttery. I on the other hand, cannot fell you move or kick. And I think that's bullshit. I really want to. I try to get a fell and I can't. Your mom really wants me to fell you moving as well. She is very upset when I have my hand on her belly and you move and I give no reaction. Hopefully soon. I don't know what feeling you move will change, if anything. Maybe it will make your impending birth more tangible. Right now, even though I know you are in there, it is totally a you and your mom situation. I am like an innocent bystander. And that sounds very sad, and it sort of is. Not emo sad, but sad. I want to be part of your lives now. Unlike some men, I have no desire to pregnant. I will never understand the desire some men have to feel the physical part of pregnancy. That is wholly weird to me. More people need to be comfortable with who they are and what they can experience. But anyway, I want to be involved, not pregnant. Maybe felling you move will make me a little closer to you. I already talk to you when your mom is asleep. Not that I feel weird talking to you in front of her, I don't. Well, not really. But when she is asleep, it's jsut us, me and my kids. I don't say a lot, just shit like "hi". I tell you that I can't wait to meet you and that I hope I'm a good dad and whatnot. And I know you can't respond verbally. That's why I want to feel a kick or someething. To let me know that you know I'm there. It should happen soon. I'm not good at the whole patience thing though. So hurry up or hit harder or something ;)

FMK - Books continued

So we have started with Desperaux. You got three chapters last night. And you were kicking and squirming while I was reading. I'm not sure if that is a good thing but I think it is. I really didn't feel very silly. I mean, a little silly maybe but not totally. The book is not bad. I have to get more familiar with it so I know how to best perform it. I think that is what I am most looking forward to, being able to perform books for you. It is one of my very most favorite parts of my job. The students I work with seem to appreciate it. Well, most of them do. But, I know you will. I am going to ruin other teachers for you. Noone will read books as well as your dad. Not no way, not no how.

FMK - Books!

So we have purchased your first books. As we browsed through the selection at our local bookstore it occured to me that there are a lot more cooler books for kids than when I was younger. I suppose the massive success of the Harry Potter franchise is responsible. But, I gotta say, I am jealous. And because I have not read many of the newer titles available, we decided to go with a classic series and a new "classic". Your first books are the Wrinkle in Time series and The Tales of Desperaux. Now here is the thing about these selections that makes me happy. Both have movies associated with them. And from what I hear, they are shitty movies. So, with your first books, you get to see early that the books are almost always better than the film. I am looking foraward to reading these to you. I hope you enjoy them.

FMK - Story Time

Tomorrow your mom and I will be going to the bookstore to get a few books to start reading to you. I am really excited about this and felling a little silly at the same time. I mean, I know that you can hear me. And that is important, that you know my voice before you arrive. But, I will be reading to a stomach. Into a microphone actually, that will be resting on a stomach. And that's weird. But it's ok. I read to a bunch of kids everyday at work, and I will read to you at home. The bigger question is what books to get? Since you cannot yet understand what is being read, should I get something I want to read? Or would hearing the nonsense that I read be bad for you? (not that I dislike what I read, just that it is off kilter mostly) I will probably stick with some simple things at first and move up to harder stuff later. Probably not a drastic jump like Dr. Seuss to Hume but Golden Books to Lemon Snicket might be in the cards. Either way, off to do research. Reading begins tomorrow.

FMK - Room decorations

Monkeys or Ladybugs? Trains or Baseballs? Gender specific or gender neutral? So many options its sick. Really. The fact that we will soon have to decide on what your room will look like is maddening. It truly is. See, the walls are painted a deep brown. Like someone came over with a shit-ton of left over brownie batter and said hey, "these walls are naked. How about some batter?" But, truth be told, I love it. It's super rad. It's like the walls Willy Wonka would have in his house. And, it is neutral. We always planned for the "guest room" to be your room. Right from the start. But now that you are coming soon, like a summer blockbuster, we have decisions to make. Whatever we get will have to match the bedspread. This is what I have been told. Your dad has never been good at matching. I mix warms and cools apparently. And since the bedspread has a tree thing going on (don't worry, they are cool trees, very zen) our options are somewhat limited. Trees and planes do not match. Unless there was an accident and who wants to be reminded of that every night. That fact eliminates trains straight away as well. But, elephants would go nicely. I love elephants. They are my favorite big animal. They are really peaceful and awesome. But, most elephant stuff is blue and blue=boy. Why is that? Why are elephants a boy thing? What if both of you are girls? Does that mean no elephants? Monkeys always seem to be gender neutral. So that is probably what it will be. And make no mistake, monkeys are damn cute. They are like other peoples mischevious children. But why are they gender neutral? It might end up, if you are both ladies, with some ladybugs thrown in as well. Your mom has a thing for ladybugs or rather, they have a thing for her. They follow her. All the time. In places they should not be (like a seventh floor apartment). So they get a spot. But what else? And do you even care? I don't think you do. I do not envision a future time where one or both of you come to me and say. "Dad; fuck monkeys! You ruined my life! I wanted puppies!" So why is this such a big decision? I suppose we all have a desire for people to come to the house, and they will, and look at the room and remark upon its cuteness. To say wonderful things about what a happy and great place for a child to sleep. To think that we are caaring parents because we bought shit from the baby section. If I had my way, boys or girls, the walls would be pinstriped and there would be a Yankee Stadium facade boarder along the top. I would put up shelves of Yankee stuff, toys and memorabilia, to look at while you sleep. I'm the one who has to be in there, at random times of the day, taking care of you. It should be for me. The rest of the house is for me I know, but, that's how I feel. I would even concede to putting some Yankee PJs on a monkey. But no, the room will be set up like a magazine ad. Because it should. Because I do not want people to think I don't care because I really do. Because I want to be seen as a good dad who did right by his kids.
But mostly because I have looked and I cannot find a facade boarder ;)

FMK - Finding a doctor

It may not seem like such a big deal. You look at your insurance policy, find a doctor close to you, maybe even talk to a friend, and you go and have a baby. Not so. It is hard. Your mother went to a new doctor today. One where she feels comfortable. And that's important. You see, the first doctor we went to up and disappeared. Just, gone. No warning. No explanation. Not even so much as a phone call. So, we went to a new doctor. Not the greatest place. The clientele left something to be desired and the staff, left a little something more to be desired. I do not think it is too much to ask people to be proficient at their jobs. Not great mind you. Not above and beyond, just competent. Well, after misread or just plain ignored medical charts, rough nurses, and overall bad experience, we have found a new doctor. And that is what matters. Your mother is happy with them. She feels at ease. That is all I care about at this point in time. The more comfortable she is, the better the situation will be for you. We want you healthy and happy. We want you safe. We want to know who the doctor is going to be before he sticks his hand in your mother's bits, not after. I have not met them yet but your mom is a good judge of character. It is her job after all. She says they are good people and I believe her. I have to. I have no frame of reference for this sort of doctor. So as it stands, you will be born at Lakeland Regional Hospital. Which is good. It is right around the corner from where we currently live. If your mother needs to go see the doctor, she does not have to take time off from life to do so. It now becomes part of life. Plus it means I do not have to drive to Brandon when you are born which trust me, is not the most simple of drives. So I am excited. Everyday things are being taken care of. Progress is being made. Soon we will know whether you are boys or girls and we can start buying shit. It is very hard to walk past things at Target and the like and not buy them. I want your room to be awesome. With monkeys. I mean, who doesn't love monkeys. So soon, we will know. And soon you will be here. And I cannot wait.

FMK - Florida

When you are born you will live in Florida. The sunshine state. The weather here is great, most of the time. Every now and again we have a week like this week. You see, Florida is a warm state. It is supposed to be warm to hot most of the year. Today, it hovered around freezing. Currently, at 10:38 pm it is 38 degrees. That is cold. Not the coldest I have ever been but cold nonetheless. Your mother and I left New Jersey for a number of reasons, the weather being one of them. In Jersey, it gets very cold. Below zero cold. And that... is unreasonable. But here, it's good. The reason I am writing about this tonight is because it occurs to me that it will be awhile before you see snow. Sure you will see pictures of it and movies that have snow covered locales. But the actual stuff, who knows. And that really kind of sucks. Some of my favorite memories are waking up on a chilly winter morning and listening to the local news, KYW 1060 AM from Philadelphia. And I would wait patiently for the announcement of whether or not my school was closed. I knew that I would have to make up the day at the end of the year but I did not care. All I could think about was calling my best friend Nick and making plans for the day off. Those plans were simple at first, go sleading at the ditch. Where I used to live had a big ditch that would get covered in snow. It had great hills for sleading. Once we got older, those plans turned into football or snowball wars or other such nonsense. It was fantastic. There was nothing better than going out to simply play. To just be kids free of any type of worry. Those days were perfect. You got to hang out with friends, do some cool shit, and come home for hot chocolate. Your Mema was clutch with the hot chocolate. Everytime I walked in the door from a day of snow-time, withing minutes there would be hot chocolate. And the good stuff, Swiss Miss, with whipped cream. And not just for me but anyone I brought over as well. My house was where all the kids came to. Everyone lived my mom. Just like everyone will love your mom. I know she cannot wait to have you experience the same sort of day and bring you and your friends lemonade or sweet tea or whatever the hell else is popular when you get to that age. I know she cannot wait to do this because she is going to be an awesome mom. One for the ages. I just know you are gonna love her.