FMK - Your dad is an emotional wuss

I have a confession. Your mother and I went to the doctors to have an ultrasound done. This was yesterday, the 14th. During this ultrasound, I wanted to cry more than a hundred times. I saw you. Both of you. For real. I saw your hands and feet. I saw your hearts and I heard them. It was so entirely awesome. Your ears are where they should be and your noses are too. It even seemed like you were waving to us. I was moved. I was profoundly taken aback by the fact that I was looking at my children. I wanted to cry tears of utter joy but did not. I had to look tough in front of the tech and doctor (that is my job as a dad after all). But I wanted to. See, I never used to cry. I cried at funerals and whenever else appropriate. But I did not cry at anything else. Now it seems like I well up at damn near anything. Especially anything to do with fatherhood. I suppose that's normal. I suppose that since I am a father who cares, that is how I am supposed to feel. But, I am still going to blame all of this on your mother. She made me watch a movie, What Dreams May Come. She thought it would be sweet and that I would get it. And boy, did I get it. I have never cried so hard at a movie in my life. Seriously, it was embarrassing. I wept. I tried to hold back and failed miserably. My eyes were red for days. And since then, little shit gets me going. Little things like a line in a movie. Little things like your pictures. I cannot help it. And that is ok. I know that I am going to cry when I hold you the first time. And probably a few times after that. I know that when I see you, I will lose it. This is primarily because a) Your mother will be crying b) your grandparents will be crying and c) your aunt will be crying. The three most important women in my life, your mother, grandmother, and aunt, will all be crying at the hospital. And I cannot handle that. I cannot handle when one of them cries. It kills me. It gets the waterworks flowing instantly. It kind of works out ok with your mom though because I can blame me tearing up at Wall-E on her. I can say that I am because she is. Don't tell her I said that though. But the day you are delivered? Forget about it. I am done for. As I was driving home from the doctors yesterday, I welled up. I did not full on cry because there was traffic. Nobody can cry tears of joy in traffic. Frustration, maybe. Joy, never. But I welled. And I want you to know now that I will not hide my emotions from you. I do not want you to hide your emotions from me. Boys or girls it is cool either way. Deal? Deal.